This week one of my weight loss groups on Facebook brought up the topic of food addiction. To determine if you might have a problem there are a series of questions one must answer. 2 years ago, I would have answered in the affirmative to the majority the questions. There was one question in particular that caught my attention. I can't remember the exact question verbatim, but it was something to the effect "Do you feel guilty after eating?" I did feel guilty. After finishing my food, I would start berating myself, why did I eat that? I should have not had that! Most of the time I just kept eating because the food was good, I was full but just kept eating it. Afterwards, it was an internal lecturing with myself. I felt disgusted with myself. It was an awful feeling. I used to hate sharing my food. If I had cake, I would devour my slice before the others would finish theirs, so they wouldn't ask to have some of mine...sad wasn't? So what changed? I am trying to pick my brain to find out the process to overcome this.
I know that what drove me to start cooking healthier options for the family was that Omar came back with high cholesterol levels. However, when we do have pizza, I eat my slice or two and I stop. Afterwards I am not berating myself. I am enjoying the food, without overeating. I am not only enjoying the slice of pizza, but I am enjoying the healthy food too. When I make black bean soup, my portion is adequate, I actually enjoy the flavors, the garlic, the cumin. I am not overeating....again what happened that made me change the way I look at the food? Omar's health was just the event that prompted me to take action, but I wonder, internally what process my brain went through to look at food differently? I know it was a day to day process. I know that I stopped buying the everyday offenders to avoid the temptations in my own home. I incorporated exercise. I started to internally telling myself that if I gave in to temptation, that it wouldn't be a big deal, just add an extra workout. I love chocolate. When I first started, chocolate is all I would think about. So to help I started to slowly lower my portion of chocolate. I felt like a little kid, but I instructed my husband to only give me one piece of chocolate after dinner; no more. Even if I got mad, he had to help me. And that's what he did. Only one piece of chocolate a day. I don't need that Dove chocolate anymore, at least not everyday :) Many would of frowned upon the fact that I was still having chocolate while trying to loose weight.
One can determine that what changed is the everyday little things I did without depriving myself. To the ordinary eye, might not seem like a big deal, since "she is not really dieting", and guess what its exactly what I am doing. I am not dieting. I am making healthier choices everyday, even small ones that compounded overtime has helped overcome my food addiction. In the past 3 months I've incorporated Shakeology into my nutrition plan. A sacrifice to say the least, but not really. Its an investment in my own health. I don't see it as s weight loss drink. I see it for what it is, a meal replacement packed with all my daily vitamin needs. But it works for me for the simple reason, that I am not going out to eat anymore. I am cooking my meals at home, thus the money I would of spend dining out, I am just redirecting that money to my Shakeology purchase, and guess what? At the end of the month I am actually spending less.
Food addiction is very hard to overcome, I am actually surprise that I've come so far, but at the same time I know that I am here today thanks to the the support of my family, facebook friends, my daily chats With The Man Up Above, and my own resilience in making the choices. Don't underestimate the small choices that you do everyday, compounded overtime they will help you.